Light a candle, send a prayer.

Words often, often fail me and maybe i'm not alone in this but at least we can light up a candle for another that plays with angels.

My families condolences to some pretty beautiful souls that are
hurting.

Kayla started a student, maybe,
but ended up being the teacher, to me and mine included.

"Do unto others as you would want to have done unto you"

Why is this so hard for us to follow such a simple command?

Honestly, i don't know.
It seems too easy to just say its because we are humans. It can't be that for God gave each and one of us free will.

I read a quote by Will Smith that reads: "You'll never achieve 100 Percent if 99 is okay"

Yes, it's true, we are not perfect, not one of us is or can be BUT why do we want, allow or strive to make excuses instead of striving to do just a bit better each day.

Would it really be that much work to be the better us?

*******************

The work on the material part of this home is now done. We have gone as far as we can, for now.

We were blessed with good workers and many possibilities that came our way.
Thank you to God for all the gifts.

I'm happy that my kids are very happy with their new home. I'm pleased on the job i have done for i did a great job in decorating and choosing and yet it is homey and comfortable and inviting.

**************************

The work on the inside of me has started. I am now going to counselling. Coming back from Miami was very painful. Were as there i felt free, as the plane landed i realized i felt pain. Where there i enjoyed every place, here i was afraid of my neighbourhood Safeway. When i was overwhelmed by the fact that one of my blind date daughter's first and second name (sounding anyways) where the same as Blondie, when i couldn't believe the coincidence-i understood how many more chains i had allowed on me.

My children have needed me more than i will share here, the cost to them for what happened last year was more than i first realized.
My inner self has claimed her time for relief, the pain of the past is too much and to live in fear is not to live at all.

Life is not fair and not one of us is owed anything. We have a say in our future, in our paths and in our happiness.

No one, no matter how important they had ever been to us is worth the death of our spirit and/or hearts.

I have always loved with all i had, not holding anything back and not always made the best choices and sometimes this has brought me such sorrow and it is time that i heal from that, not in just saying goodbye, not in just standing up for myself and mine but in building myself up to the point that i never give more than i can live without.

As i want my boys to treat their someday mates right, i too deserve no less. As i want my girls to someday find a healthy match, i too deserve no less.
It is time for me to build on my strengths and not stumble because of them. It is my time so that in growing i may show with actions that after every fall we can make the choice to get up and walk again, even if we have to crawl first.

************************************

My mother in cleaning and decluttering and preparing found many cassettes. Not a word written on any of them and they were all empty but one. She was inspired to try a particular one and it was her husband's voice recorded, my dear father. No one knew this existed.
Over and hour of his voice, with my 2 eldest voices being faintly heard as they played outside in the yard.

To tell you that what he said is exactly what i needed to hear. It was as if he was here. It was as if he had known back in 1996 what i would feel in 2007-2008.

My father has now been gone for 11 yrs and how many times my mom has gone through those cassettes. I/We believe is yet another gift from God. As my wise grandma often reminds us, "For everything there is a reason and for all there is a time-His time".

My father in all his humanity, with all his humanity, despite all his humanity was able to better himself, rise just a bit higher. He often said how his diagnosis was the best thing that could have happen to him and i knew what he meant but it was today in hearing my fathers voice that i truly understood.

As i write this i cry but not so much with sadness as with pride. This girl had a pretty terrific dad for he choose to aim higher and better and not to excuse as he could have. He tried to teach me so much back then, as i said to my mother today, " i wasted so many years, if only i had listened to him back then" but she was right to remind me again, i wasn't ready back then. I listened but didn't understand, i listened but not really, i listened but not till today how he would have wanted me to.

It was beautiful to hear his sweet voice without a cough. You see, in his illness and as his last yrs followed he would say a couple of words and have to cough but not in this 'lesson' he recorded. One of his last 'lessons' to all his girls, trying to teach us, to help us just like a good father does.

Para siempre mi amor, mi respeto, mis gracias Papito lindo.

*****************************************

Please pray for a beautiful girl name Kayla. Kayla has been living with cancer. She is Susan's niece and if you knew anything about her you would know her to be a great inspiration and example of love and courage.

Where as so many of us are going through life without leaving it a better place, where as many just live for themselves, where as many waste them, she, Kayla, has in her young years taught about strength and caring, what real love is and what family means.

She has done in her years what many of us will not do in our lifetimes. And that will be her legacy.

She would like to be able to get out of the Alberta Children's Hospital to go to where most of her family is, in British Columbia.
Family is what is all about.

I hope she gets there soon.

***********************************

I'm so happy for you Butterflies, your wings have been missed. The sky will sing with joy to see you fly and i will smile with you.

*********************

God Bless you all. I love you.

Happy Easter Everyone

1 Peter 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead...

It's 3 am, do you know where your heart is?

Mine is in my throat.

Yeap, it's that time of the year again.

The one where no matter how intellectually prepared i am, how grateful i am for so much that surrounds me with our beautiful new home and my incredible family....Ah yes, that is it = family...

Today is my dad's 11th year anniversary.

Again.

Wasn't it just here? Yesterday? Or so it feels.

Every year a day or two before the 20th i start getting this funny feeling in my stomach, my hands get shakier, my mind is travelling at light speed, my heart races.

Every year i talk to myself and explain to my body, my heart, that his loss is 24/7/365. That a particular number in any calendar year doesn't change what our loss is of every second...............

Every year i'm more prepared for 'the' date. Or so i think. Or so i expect. Or so i hope.

And then, 'it' takes hold of me, before i know it and catches me as if it was hiding behind a corner ready to pounce.

So here i am, it's pass 3 am, my first bit on the computer in how long? Too long as the number of spam in my Google acct can verify. All my email accts have been neglected as the messages have piled up much more than i care to admit. But i've, we've, been okay, better than okay, just busy. We have been living, working, sweating with hard, good work, bonding, making those memories i have always wished for, creating.

Our lives have been so happy and so busy that the keyboard and the On button seems to be a different world.

I/We are so delighted, happy, all smiles, loving, enjoying how beautiful, truly beautiful our home is.
We/I often hoped for a home that i would go from room to room and it would give me a sense of peace, warmth and our rooms are just that: home.

God's infinite gifts are just that: infinite. I/We have so much to be grateful for. Where there was chaos and panic over the economic disaster that we were left with last summer, where for wks i didn't know so many how's, He helped me as He always has and does and will.

My hand was forced to get a loan from my house BUT in it happening, it also finally, gave us the opportunity to not only get us out of the financial bind but to also use the rest to work on fixing this house that we have lived in for so long.

And the how much money we had to work with has been multiplied over and over and over and over again. And 10 has done what 40 usually does and 40 what 100.

Thank you God for putting in our path so many angels to help us, guide us, look after us, lend us a hand.

In Calgary's economy, in one of the busiest places to find people to work for you, we have been 'handed' so much talent and so much love and kindness.

Matt did an amazing job with the hardwood and we now have gorgeous floors and Jim, with the basement, the sq ft multiplied to make all we wanted and needed.
My sis's ex husband gave us such, such an amazing deal in anything and everything in his tile/stone store that friday begins the installation of the most beautiful travertine tumbled marble in our hallways and kitchen and these are just 3 of the many people who have been put in our path.

The kitchen pantries are in. They are beautiful and have tripled our old kitchen space. I already have my eye on the perfect granite for the counters and not too far in the future, new stainless steel appliances.

I don't think there is an inch that this home hasn't been maximize for storage etc...Our beautiful new furniture is brand new with second ownership prices. Another gift, this time in knowledge and opportunity: In a oil economy like ours, homes: show homes and sellers 'stage' their properties. Beautiful pieces that are sold once served their purpose at a fraction of the original tag. A bit of luck, much heart to lead the way and just the right pieces here and there and our home has a warmth and comfortable and beautiful look/feel to it.

I was flattered when the designer for the kitchen came to overlook the final work and he commented on what a great job my decorator had done, it had a comfort and feel to it he said. Word of mouth business it is, i should pass on the business card, lol...i told him i was available anytime.

Nothing was set in stone, it has been step by step, day by day, find by find whether it was of people/things/opportunities. The color scheme and pieces have come one at a time and the house has a flow to it like it was all planned way ahead and i'm, we are, so delighted. Our neighbours have come in to see what the heck has been all the moving in and out and the trucks and sawing and so we have met some new, nice faces and the kids and i have gone from living in a major fixer upper that never got done to this! God is good and generous.

We have given away at least half of what we had. Only kept what we need or want. Spring cleaning came early. The house has organization in each room and i love it. Organization what a grand word it is.
Purge, purge, purge and in so doing, share with others.

I'm glad to say that the car that was left for me to deal with has been given to a man who does good for others and will very soon need new wheels, he will soon be behind his new steering wheel. And the living room furniture he left behind that was new looking and pretty went to a family with beautiful children that is enjoying them as we speak. The old camera (not the one charged to my cc) is what is left and i'm sure i know who is getting it. He is a young, budding photographer that only dreams in frames i think...All of what was left from a hard lesson or two will find a positive end to it.

There is much to still be done.

New garage, fence, yard maybe a deck, and 3 bathrooms are still in our to do lists....ahh and there is still all the baseboards next wk and then, the painting...the colors chosen are making me daydream, it will be the icing on the cake but that must wait to warmer days for that will be some undertaking. Brendan's bedroom was the first to be done i think, than Jr's, than Keka's...now it's time to work on the other 2 ladies and than mine...and than probably new sidding color..and i still have to figure out the window treatments...no more cloth for us i think...there is some sweet choices out there..and let's dream grand and change all the windows and of course ....i think you get the picture, lol..

Chelo is precious and we adore him. The best dog in the world, such sweet temperament and smart. Poppi is hilarious and even Sharkie manages to entertain us. Naranja (bearded dragon) has come out of hivernation and is wondering who the heck are these additions to the mix....it's funny to see her walk the bird on her back both of them wondering what the heck the humans are laughing at.

My hands are not shaking anymore, i'm more tired. I guess the writing and focusing in so many blessings have done their therapeutic job. I'm grateful for that.

His daughters and wife and 7 grandchildren attended his mass last night. It was lovely. As it should be, our family, united, together coming to God's house to say thank you for the gift of bringing us together in this life time. Not one of us better than another, sinners as humans are yet with a heart full of love and commitment to family and that is what we are to each other.

Thank you for reading my words, for letting me share in the joy of our blessings, for being here even when i'm not very often...I see i have tons of emails, i shall get reading...eventually she saids but not today for today is about us being together..another 20th of March.

God Bless.

Welcome home

It's been a while since i have written and i'm sorry for that but i do have many reasons why.

Renovations are coming along nicely. Basement is beautifully finished, Jim did a great job and his company has been so nice. We continue on with other smaller projects.

Matt, hardwood installer extraordinaire has finished the living room yesterday and is doing the dinning room and 1 set of stairs today. The den has 3 rooms full of furniture in one but not long for tonight we move into the finish rooms and empty the den for tomorrow. 

I have already shared how wonderful our friend Jim is, well, i have met many more incredible people. It is good to know that the world is mostly filled with kind, generous, hardworking people and not of the other kind i was hanging around.

I met Matt when i was looking for someone to do our floors and i'm so grateful, what a nice guy. I would and do recommend him to anyone for his job is perfect to the detail and his customer service to match. He will surely grow his business to a greater success the way he works.  His reference were so passionate and sooooooo positive, now i know why. 

Another Jim helped design a great addition to the kitchen. It is getting installed on the 4, 5 and 6 of March and i can hardly wait. Cooking has come back into my life and it will surely be more enjoyable to do it in a bigger kitchen.

My old laptop died about a wk ago i guess and although it was inconvenient, i'm so glad it is gone for sooooo many reasons. Last night i got myself a Macbook finally. I have been an Apple fan for long ago and should have stock in the company considering how much we support their products here. I love my new laptop, there is a flow to it like my ipod touch that makes it convenient and easy to use right off the bat. NO MORE WINDOWS FOR ME, YUPPI!!! We have ordered a IMAC and we should have it in a wk or two. Add us to the growing list that once they try a Mac will never buy otherwise. I have to transfer my stuff over here and then i shall have a happy dance around the old laptop..I will enjoy taking a hammer or two to it.

Francesca has had her dreams come true for a few wks now...She finally got her bird, a beautiful baby cockatiel she named Poppi.  She is so much fun and sings so sweet. We spoil her and she does us with love..

About a wk and a half ago, we got a new baby in our home. Another baby, this time a cinnamon maltese/poo toy pup i named Chelo. He is beyond adorable, tiny and such a good boy. I'm taking him to his 2nd set of shots today and in 1.5 wks we can take him out to show him off to the world...Imagine a bear stuffie and you got what he looks like. He is a cuddle bug but at the same time loves to tumble and jump and play, a perfect mix.  The breeder experience was wonderful and i would never ever recommend buying other wise.

The training has been smooth as silk since he was 8 wks when we got him and we took the breeders instructions to heart and this little guy has been outstanding.

Our hearts are full with so much love from family and friends, new and old, human and animal kind.

Dr. Kellner, Frans' dermatologist, set me up on a date with a sweet man named Ken, lol..He is a single rocker dad of 2 girls, one with the same condition as Fran. I'm not marrying him to the disappointment of our sweet doc but we surely have wonderful new family friends.

Another lady friend, Chris, set me up too. Kevin is a very smart, well to do, fun guy and the date was great but another friend to my list it is....So she took her matchmaking seriously and tried again, this time i met Brad...What a wonderful man! Everything that a girl would want and i love his company but my brain won't stop thinking of the similarities between him and my son. They are both so smart and good hearted ad cute and have the same sense of humor, have baby faces...He is a plumber/electrical fitter who works for the city and owns his  company, he is serious about cooking and grows his own veggies, owns a nice home on an acreage, has come with delicious chocolate and flowers every time, pays (imagine that boys and girls i haven't been put in a position that i have had to pay for any dates with any of them-men after all!). The ex hubby thinks he is nice, my mom has spoken to him and thought he was kind and helpful and the kids think he is wonderful, sweet and fun...BUT great friends for life is as far as this is going my heart has said and i'm so grateful for you can never surround yourself full with beautiful hearts. 

I'm so grateful to have met so many new people lately, i didn't even think of dating until just before Valentines when the doc surprised me. I'm no longer afraid of the horror stories of blind dates and i have found how much fun it is just to date...

I also have not been sick but not feeling great either. It seems that immediately after i came back from Miami  i was overwhelmingly tired and sleepy became my middle name, extremely so but it was very cold for a long time and i thought it was something like that but as it happens i had caught the Mono virus. I am feeling much better in the last wk now, we have a great doc who has treated me to feeling stronger. The worst is surely gone. I take 2 injections of B12 weekly and 1 of iron. I am on a daily vitamin regimen and my blood levels of iron and b12 are increasing. 

I can't believe how much my health has changed since last summer. Anything before would send me out of control and now my body fights back and is able to handle the bumps on the road. I have not once been in emergency and i have not had to increase prednisone. Not once i have been stuck in bed. I'm so grateful to Our Lord for He has given me so much. His love and gifts are endless. He looks over me and mine every second of the day. Thank you God, Thank you Blessed Mary.

Well, i have now updated you a bit. Will post much better pics as soon as i have some time to download and transfer. These here are not the best for sure but they were in my phone (got to tell you about it, my first really good cell ever and so cute, looks like white lego) so they were easy to get at.

 I hope that your 2008 continues to be a peaceful, good year.

Much love, many hugs.

Take care and keep on smiling,

Going forth and loving it,

XO

Letting God

Send her our way. Pls.

The Rambo Granny of Melbourne , Australia


Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter

that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down – and shot off their testicles.


The old lady spent a week hunting those men down –

and, when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way,

said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp.



Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station,

laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be:
"Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God."

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth , 33, lost both his penis and his testicles

when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room

where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come,

but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said.

"The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood,

"but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to,"

Detective Delp told reporters.

"Both men are still in pretty bad shape,

"but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."

The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21

after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight

by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.

"When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital,

"I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself

"'cause I figured the Law would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker.

"And I wasn't scared of them, either – because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' all my life.

"And I wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one."

So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos,

tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place

till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway

"and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them," the oldster recalled.

"So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door,

"and the minute the big one opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs,

"right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know.

"Then I went in and shot the other one

"as he backed up pleading to me to spare him.

"Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."

Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny.

"What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison," Det. Delp said,

"especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor."